I apologize if this is a little raw, but that's where I'm at now.
I tried to go to my favorite breakfast place today. I made a sincere effort, but since it was a place I used to go with my friend, I just couldn't do it.
If you're new around here, my friend committed suicide.
It felt wrong going through that line alone. It was awful when the lady asked "where have you been" and I didn't want to tell her the horrible truth. I got to the cash register and I was shaking. Then, after I paid for my meal, I started toward the door and thought, "no, this is where you man up and get over this." I went over to the seating and started to open my plate and I realized I just couldn't do it.
I managed to choke down my breakfast in my truck knowing I'll never go back to that place again. I just can't. I love that place, but it gives me flashbacks or brings up some trauma or something. My heart is permanently broken and scarred and I'm just not interested in anything enough to go through this emotional rollercoaster again and again.
It's just a little story, but I want you to remember it. When you make a drastic choice, you're going to leave people behind that are never going to be the same. You truly are taking your pain and dumping it off on the people you love. I'm never going to be 100 percent right again, and it's going to manifest sorrow in the silliest ways and the most inconvenient of times.
If you're depressed, if you have drug problems or if you're willing to "risk it" versus the virus, please take a moment and think about those you will leave behind. Think of your family, your friends, and even your pets. The consequences of other people's choices are a very heavy burden to bear for those left behind.
If you're having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or visit their website for help.