A wild story is making the rounds out of Austin after a person allegedly stole a 14-foot skeleton out of a front yard in broad daylight.

So many parts to this story and video that baffle me.

A couple of key questions that immediately pop up:

Why not steal the skeleton under the cover of darkness?

I'm not a criminal, but I do know most criminal things are done at night. I guess the age of the porch pirate has made people really confident that nobody is home and nobody's ring camera is pointed right at their Denali. This leads me to my second question.

If you have a Denali, why are you stealing skeletons?

I know cars and material possessions aren't a signal of wealth, just a signal that you like nice things whether you can afford them or not, but if you're doing you're crime in a Denali I think you can afford at least a 10-foot skeleton. I don't know, maybe this skeleton was hand-crafted and not available for sale, but even then. Trade use for the Denali for a second 14-foot skeleton.

What the hell are you going to do with a 14-foot skeleton?

This person can't put this up now. Impossible. Do they have vaulted ceilings? Is this going in a haunted house? Now that they've been caught on camera it won't be hard to piece that 14-foot skeleton and Denali together.

Final, and most important question:

How screwed up is your perception that you think a 14-foot freaking skeleton is fitting in your SUV without taking it apart?

I was dying laughing when this person got around to the back of the Denali and instead of breaking down the skeleton or taking it apart just tried to shove the entire thing into the back of the vehicle. What is going through the criminal mind to have zero plan but 100 percent confidence that the TREE-SIZED SKELETON will fit into your Denali-sized Denali?

I'd love to have that brand of confidence about something one day.

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