New Lubbock Graduates Get Unwanted Life Advice From a Local Idiot
(Yeah, we just couldn't help ourselves with the bad photoshop.)
It's graduation day for a lot of schools on the South Plains, as students prepare for a life of questions. Such as: "Do you want fries with that?"
Twenty-five years ago, the famed director Baz Luhrmann released a spoken word song called "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)," which was an essay published in the Chicago Tribune in June 1997. In it, Luhrmann's most important piece of advice was "to wear sunscreen," along with other non-sequiturs and random thoughts about life, such as:
Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't
With a new class of graduates descending upon the fruited plain, it makes sense to share some Lubbock-centric advice for the graduating class of 2022.
Try not to merge onto the Loop from the far right lane of the access road. You're just going to piss off someone who may be armed off.
Eat from all four food groups: Whataburger, Taco Villa, Evie Mae's and Brewery LBK.
Don't deface the Buddy Holly statue.
Don't deface the Smiling Bush.
Let the kids at United Supermarkets carry your groceries to your car. It may teach you both a valuable life lesson.
The wind blows here, deal with it.
Clean out your garage. You'll need to park in it when hailstorms hit and insurance is expensive.
Go to Joyland. It will bring exactly that into your life.
Don't stress out over local politics. Either way you're both right and this is a small town.
Listen to music. Especially on 94.5, 98.1, 99.5 and 102.5. There are no other music stations that matter or even like you. We love you, other stations don't.
Trust Ron Roberts.
You don't need a new PlayStation 5. You really need to save your money. College and food isn't cheap, and your parents can't afford all of your BS.
Take a picture of a prairie dog. Don't actually take a prairie dog, they make lousy pets.
But trust me on the pants.
Congrats, grads. Now go get a freaking job. Andwear sunscreen.