Lubbock Is Now Playing a Suspenseful Game Called ‘Gunshots or Fireworks?’

It's been 7 days since we celebrated Independence Day, and Lubbock is still popping off fireworks like nobody's business. High gas prices couldn't stop our town from buying every single explosive thing they could get their hands on, cuz 'MERICA!

The 4th of July was clearly not long enough for us, and now everyone at home gets to play a riveting game of 'Gunshots or Fireworks?' each night while they lie in bed. It's just one of the many things that makes Lubbock a fantastic place to live...

Our violent crime rates are pretty insane right now. It seems like nearly every day, someone, somewhere in town shoots someone else. Not cool. What's even less cool, is trying to decide if your neighbor is being murdered or just enjoying a leftover firework show in their backyard.

I don't want to be a crotchety neighbor. Just because I live alone with my cats doesn't mean I don't like to party, but come on, dudes.

As of 6 days ago, there were 104 grass fires in Lubbock County. That's a crapload, and I'm willing to bet there have been even more than that since then. If you have a ton of fireworks left over, I have some ideas for where you can put them. Most of my ideas are slightly vulgar. I'll let you figure out what they are. It can be a new game.

But hey, if you just have to set those extra fireworks off, please try to do it somewhere that won't totally freak people out and catch stuff on fire. Dogs, cats, sleeping babies and your weird neighbor down the street would really appreciate it.

That's all. Carry on, you heathens.