It turns out that raccoons make terrible roommates. They crash your spare bedroom without permission and tear the whole place up. If this bad boi hadn't been caught, he probably would have had a kegger with a possum, a fox and a prairie dog. That party sounds amazing, actually.

A Lubbock citizen learned this firsthand, according to the Lubbock Animal Shelter:

Citizens be warned you may get a visitor from the cold. Be sure to block any possible entrances to your home. This fuzzy guy decided to wake up a resident at 4am and did some damage to his spare bedroom.
He's getting a poor rating on Airbnb, I promise that.
Many commenters on LAS's Facebook post called for mercy. Some people even asked if he was up for adoption:
Wish people were more understanding and hope he was released in the same area he was found. Lovely little trash panda!!
Poor little cutie. Just looking for some place warm!
Aweeeee can I adopt?! Or take care of it until y’all find a home?

Luckily, this naughty dude was re-released safely into the wild, where he will be happy, free, and will eat garbage to his heart's content. Where does one sign up to be a raccoon?

I've only had one uninvited house guest, and that was a massive bullsnake. I thought I was a tough guy who could just pick one up and throw him out, but I totally got squirmy and called Lubbock Animal Services.

A very nice gentleman grabbed him with a hook and assured me no harm would come to the snake I was calling "Bubba." In fact, the LAS snake wrangler seemed to like Bubba as much as I did. I was just intimidated by him is all.

Most wild critters pose little to no harm and have their own benefits. Possums, for example, eat thousands of ticks a year. Consider your neighbor a blessing, until he takes it too far, anyway. Then you can call the fuzz on him.

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