Oklahoma State Representative Is Making a Mockery of My Friend Bigfoot
Because there's been nothing else going over the last several months, one state representative from Oklahoma, Justin Humphrey, wants to hunt Bigfoot.
“I want to be really clear that we are not going to kill Bigfoot,” State Representative Justin Humphrey told The Oklahoman. “We are going to trap a live Bigfoot. We are not promoting killing Bigfoot. We are promoting hunting Bigfoot, trying to find evidence of Bigfoot.”
How about you just leave the guy alone?
To me, it's a slippery slope to go out looking for Bigfoot in camo and an orange vest to shooting him in the back with a shotgun. Bigfoot, or Barry as his friends call him, just wants to lead a peaceful life, but has been in hiding for years after the threats on his life began to climb in the 1970s.
Rep. Humphrey might be saying he doesn't want to kill Mr. Bigfoot, but the bill he filed doesn't specify that hunting only means catching for science and not setting a sight of your .30-06 onto Barry's temple. The bill, as introduced by Humphrey, directs the Oklahoma Wildlife Conservation Commission to create rules, dates, licenses, and fees “establishing a bigfoot hunting season.”
Rep. Humphrey, to his credit, is actually trying to drive tourism to Oklahoma as bigfoot enthusiasts come from all over the country to the Bigfoot Festival that's already held in Honobia, Oklahoma each October. As a tourist trap, you can't get better than bamboozling people that believe they can catch the absolutely real Mr. Bigfoot, or any of his illustrious cousins: Mediumfoot, Largefoot, Smallfoot and the Geico Caveman.
The real villain of the story, though, is the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation, who told the ABC station KOCO in Oklahoma City that, "we use science-driven research, and we don’t recognize Bigfoot in the state of Oklahoma." That's right -- this dusty person doesn't want to sully the good name of, checks notes, Oklahoma by requiring a license to hunt something that doesn't exist. His sentiment, not mine.
If you're a Bigfoot hunter in Texas, The Travel Channel has the Lone Star State listed as one of the best eight states to catch a glimpse of him.
"If Bigfoot did exist, and wasn’t human, then it would be legal," L. David Sinclair of the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department told NPR’s State Impact in 2012. “Bigfoot would be a non-protected wild animal."
I'd think the state's thoughts have remained unchanged. He is real, Mr. Sinclair, but please leave him alone.
Through this article, you may be wondering how I'm so certain that Bigfoot is real. Well, back in 2012 I was in the piney woods of East Texas and ran into my old friend after originally meeting him where he lives at Palo Duro Canyon back in 2009. Yes, Bigfoot is alive and well in west Texas.
We set out to the second largest canyon in the United States for a weekend unplugged from the hectic strain of life eating cheap hotdogs and drinking cheap beer. I can't say for certain that Bigfoot wasn't just a hairy man named Barry that was bumming off of our Bar-S Jumbo dogs or Lone Star, but I choose to believe through the haze that Barry was indeed the mysterious Bigfoot. He loved my Dodge Merry Miler as much as I did, and had wild eyes and hair up to his eye sockets and down to his knuckles.
I wonder what ole Barry is up to. I might have to take a trip down to Palo Duro Canyon to find out. Because this is a real story, and he totally lives there deep in the canyon.
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