An Open Letter to the Guy I Saw Punch a Lubbock Woman in the Face
To the coward who punched a lady in the face just a few hundred feet from the railroad tracks near Clovis Highway and Frankford Avenue: I hope your catalytic converter falls off your car.
Before I address this cowardly lanky fella, let's backtrack a bit.
I was driving from the middle of nowhere (or as I call it, home) north of Lubbock into the city limits towards the Townsquare Media studios when I noticed a short pink blob in the distance. As I slowly approached a small maroon car and a big white SUV, I could see a short lady in pink and a very tall woman with her arm in a sling. There were about six people outside of the vehicles running around and it seemed that maybe they ran out of gas and were being pushed to the Chisum's just across the train tracks.
It looked like one vehicle was stuck in mud and the other was pulling it out. I even thought maybe these people were playing that red light fire drill game that we played in college. I was dead wrong. This was a road brawl.
I thought to myself maybe I should get out and help...or maybe I should stay in my car and call the cops rather than get a black eye. I pulled over, but not from shock at the little lady in pink trying to shove someone twice her size, but you, the driver of the white SUV, attacking the tall woman.
Not only were you trying to choke her, but you decided to go all Sugar Ray Charles and punched her in the face. I noticed you had to punch up at an angle because of the height difference. After the tall woman was hit, she immediately fell back into the open road, covering her face and was almost run over by you, driver of the white SUV. I'm not sure what your passengers had to say about all of this or if they even knew what they were fighting for. It definitely wasn't about a refund on those karate lessons they took in grade school back in the 90s. Just make sure to yell 'COBRA KAI!' next time.
Before the K.O. punch, the scene of the fight looked like two opposing groups of 7th grade cheerleaders that had recently become penguins just having a slap fight in the street over who was going to win Friday's big game. Who slaps like that in the road?
The amount of rage I felt when the tall woman fell to the ground after being fist-kissed in the face was not as intense as the shock of seeing a scrawny adult man "falcon-punch" a woman. I wanted to go out and chase after you, Tokyo Drift-style, to get your license plate numbers but wasn't too sure if you were carrying any heat. I felt very sorry for the passengers -- they seemed to be older people. Her parents, maybe? Who knows if they were able to drive her to the hospital or home if the injuries weren't severe.
You're the one-punch wonder Little Mac from Nintendo's 1984 Punch-Out!! even though you did look like you make moonshine in the woods. Was your recent batch bad? Maybe your wheelbarrow lost a wheel so now it's just a barrow; it's happened to me before and boy, was I mad.
Who knows what led to the confrontation. I just hope that some sort of justice or karma finds you. At least pay for the poor woman's medical bills.