Here is a cautionary tale for anyone interested in pursuing the criminal arts.

A 29-year-old Mensa member named Trey Cornwell was hanging out outside of a hospital in that hotbed of good decisions known as Florida and decided that he really needed a new ride. After careful consideration, or lack thereof, he sought after the first 4-wheeled mode of transportation that he could get his hands on. Rather than look for something a little less, you know, high-profile, he chose a getaway vehicle that would be fairly noticeable to even the most casual driver.

A freaking AMBULANCE.

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Yep, the urge to go fast apparently overcame him, so he hauled off and stole an ambulance immediately after EMTs had gone inside to drop off a patient that had been transported to the hospital. Let's let WFLA-TV pick up the story:

According to the story, the genius suspect took off in the ambulance and ultimately drove it into a marshy area where it got stuck in the mud and water. He was picked up and tossed into the hoosegow.

Now, I'm no expert, but I would guess that Cornwell isn't accustomed to making good decisions at the drop of a hat. First off, he stole an ambulance. Not the most camouflageable (is that a word? Editor's Note: Yes, it is.) vehicle in history.

Second, if he had gotten away, it's not like he would have been very hard to find due to the goofy David Bowie "Aladdin Sane" tattoo on his face.

RCA

Sorry, pal. David could pull off that look. You, however, cannot.

Only one other guy could make a face tattoo look as goofy, and we're not going to say it to his face.

via GIPHY

Just another day in America's appendage...

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