Texas ‘Sex Toy Bandit’ Caught With Over $400 Worth of Fun

Harris County Constable Deputies have affectionately dubbed a man who was caught shoplifting over $400 worth of adult toys the "Sex Toy Bandit".

Police caught the man at a CVS at 3850 FM 2920 RD with all kinds of fun, including sexy toys, grooming materials, and enhancement pills.

You've got to be pretty hard-up to steal sex toys from a CVS. They don't even have any of the good stuff. I recommend a novelty store next time...to SHOP at...not to steal from...

Right now, it's unclear what kind of charges the bandit will face. It's also worth mentioning he had a gun on him at the time of the theft. He meant business.

I tried to look up some data for how many sex toys are stolen in the United States each year, and that was a bad idea, especially on my work computer. The majority of articles I found were just people complaining about how their TEENAGERS were stealing their toys.

Just thinking about stealing stuff like that from my parents made my friggin' skin crawl.

Y'all. Ew. Teenagers are disgusting.

Anyway, there's a little fun from the news for you today! No doom and gloom this Friday. Just good old-fashioned sex toy robbery fun, out of Harris County.

Keep scrolling for more weird Texas-based news in the galleries below, and if you're feeling frisky, just remember how much you don't want to be in the news for stealing naughty toys.

Do the right thing and buy them like the rest of us...